my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
