I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
