dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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