im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
