i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
