yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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