final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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