Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
