and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
