Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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