i can't believe i had my finger in that
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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