so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
