So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
