Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
