she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
