there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
