I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
