I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
