sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize