He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
