if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
