Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
false alarm, still single
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
