I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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