I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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