New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
