Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You made out with two different species that night
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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