All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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