I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
