Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
