If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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