4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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