Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
