Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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