Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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