She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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