If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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