in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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