You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize