Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize