Jerry, you need to find god
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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