Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
