Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
