I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
