just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
