she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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