Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
