Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
