She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
