She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
