Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
