I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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