walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
