lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The best revenge is premature balding
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There r osticjed everywhere
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
