Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
