cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Farmville is her only friend.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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