hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
