literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can't turn off my feet"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
