So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize