you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well I just put wine in my tea
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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