i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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