So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
