I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
