O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
