I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My penis needs a shock collar
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
