dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We are all done wearing pants today
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
