I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
