I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
