I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
