there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
