at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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