He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
