We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
